I don’t know how else to describe my feelings this morning. Simply distressed. I nearly broke to tears driving to work this morning from mere being around these people, these attitudes, this lifestyle, this go-go-go, the get the fuck out of my way driving style, just everything. I’m sick of not making any money, I’m tired of trying to be like ‘one of the team’, tired of being pushed around and talked to like I’m not worth dirt, and I’m tired of being drug along at work. I’m fed up with being told that I’ll be put on permanently and trust me on this point, I’m not just whining about it here, I will certainly be bringing it up again this week. For what…um, the 5th time in a 4-5 month time frame? I just cashed out 2/3 of my check today on bills and it’s on to waiting for next weeks check. I should just go get a second job and stop worrying about how little time I’ll see my boyfriend. Either way, second job or none, I’ll still be stressed.

I’m just sick and tired of absolutely everything out here I barely can keep myself together at times, then I chide myself later for being a pussy and tell myself “Suck it up and shut up. You’re in it so get over it.” That’s exactly what I’d be told by my parents so they did well instilling such things into me. I just want to curl up in a ball and turn the lights off for awhile, fall into a slumber with no dreams, no thoughts, and no bothers. I can’t imagine I’m the only one that wishes that from time to time.

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