I don’t know how else to describe my feelings this morning. Simply distressed. I nearly broke to tears driving to work this morning from mere being around these people, these attitudes, this lifestyle, this go-go-go, the get the fuck out of my way driving style, just everything. I’m sick of not making any money, I’m tired of trying to be like ‘one of the team’, tired of being pushed around and talked to like I’m not worth dirt, and I’m tired of being drug along at work. I’m fed up with being told that I’ll be put on permanently and trust me on this point, I’m not just whining about it here, I will certainly be bringing it up again this week. For what…um, the 5th time in a 4-5 month time frame? I just cashed out 2/3 of my check today on bills and it’s on to waiting for next weeks check. I should just go get a second job and stop worrying about how little time I’ll see my boyfriend. Either way, second job or none, I’ll still be stressed.

I’m just sick and tired of absolutely everything out here I barely can keep myself together at times, then I chide myself later for being a pussy and tell myself “Suck it up and shut up. You’re in it so get over it.” That’s exactly what I’d be told by my parents so they did well instilling such things into me. I just want to curl up in a ball and turn the lights off for awhile, fall into a slumber with no dreams, no thoughts, and no bothers. I can’t imagine I’m the only one that wishes that from time to time.


For some time now I’ve been confused and mildy concerned that maybe, just maybe my speedometer hasn’t been working properly but the more I think about it the more that is least likely the case. If it were not working right, it would have to be off by over 10 mph and that’s just nuts. You see, people pass me like crazy on my way to work and I know people speed around here, but everyone passing me is a bit strange I think. So, this morning I said screw it and pushed the pedal down to catch up with everyone and lo and behold, I was going 75-80! In a 55 mph zone!! What the hell is wrong with you people? What is so important at 8am that you need to be doing 20+ over the speed limit? Are you in such bad standing at your job that can’t afford to be late once or twice? Are you so concerned to get to you ball and chain that you have Mario Andretti your ass up there? Is it just that you want to be ahead of everyone? I notice that people out here will pass you for no apparent reason at times, other than they just don’t like to be behind anyone. Strange. Sounds like a complex to me!

Oh and de-de-de-deh! Music please…..Well I was going to post theNFL theme song here, but can’t figure it out yet for wordpress. Here is the link, enjoy!
NFL Theme Song!!!

So, last weekend I read this book called “Threshold” by Ben Mezrich. Great fictional story about the human Genome and the possibilities of what can be done with it. The human Genome Project actually completed in 2003 and the main goal was to identify every one of the tens of thousands of genes in the string of DNA, along with figuring out the sequences of the 3 million chemical base pairs (ATCG) that make up our DNA.

Anyway, in the story “Threshold”, the genetist Jason Waters discovers the secret of DNA with his 2 counterparts, though he never recieved any recognition for it. He goes on to unlock the coding of DNA and does experiments in gene therapy, retroviruses, and in the end discovers how to introduce healthy and upgraded genes to human DNA by way of the retroviruses (like HIV). This is actually a valid process. Anyway, so he also had done research on evolutionary suicide, which is the pre-determined extinction of a species, also a true concept. Basically a species is doomed at one point in time, never able to adapt past a certain point.
All this got me thinking about the current work being conducted on genes, gene therapy, and the possiblity of competely changing our DNA makeup to prolong, accentuate, refine, and perfect ourselves individually or as a whole. There are infinite consequences to having the ability to heal all forms of cancers and diseases. What would it be like for no one to ever become terminally ill?? Can you imagine? One day you get diagnosed with cancer of some form and the next you are being injected with a gene to correct your bad one and voila! You are healthy again. Unfortunately at this point, gene therapy is not approved on humans by the FDA, and even the tests done thus far have not been very successfull in clinical trials. Each time people have done the trial tests using retrovirus therapy (you have to use a virus to get the genes in) have come down with serious issues like Jesse Gelsinger who died of multiple organ failure only 4 days after beginning treatment, or mulitple children who developed leukemia-like conditions although they were sucessfully treated of their “bubble baby syndrome” (X-CID, a severe combined immunodefinciency problem). However, such disorders like sickle-cell anemia is successfully treated in mice, so there is some level of progress.

Anyway, it’s cool shit to know and amazing how far we’ve come. I wonder….the person that does figure out how to sucessfully treat genes, does they become what we would define as God?

As I drove to work this morning I spied a gentleman driving next to me in one of the new Dodge Chargers, and judging by his position and stance in the car I pictured that he bought that car in the essense of the old days.  I can only imagine he had an old school charger at one point, or if not, he wanted one or some other muscle car.  Now he has a Charger and I’m sure he’s lovin’ it!  Again, this is all speculation of course, but it brings me to the point of my thoughts – the way humans hang onto the past.  The only other way I can think of that other animals use the past is for future success.  They will remember you if you feed them regularly or treat them well, they remember not to go to certain places if they get hurt there, et cetera.  They don’t use “memories” quite the same as we do.  They don’t look back and say “Ah, what a great time I had on that journey to the water hole, I can’t wait until the next time!”, haha!

Also, I was wondering why most car makers are bringing back all the old school hits.  Is it because they are out of ideas?  Demand for the old by the consumers?  Or a combination?  A part of our human-ness is relishing the old, the things we enjoyed when we were younger.   I guess the reason most people try to get back to what they used to enjoy because it renews something they felt at one point in time, something to refresh themselves.  Why don’t more people relish the present instead of the past?  I see a lot of people that concern themselves with the future or the past but find it difficult to concentrate on the now, the today, or the present hour.

Just something to think about.


So, last night I stopped at Target and got a digital body fat weight scale to be able to precisely track my progress. It’s really difficult to continue on track of anything without visual proof to yourself that you are in fact progressing! I was actually surprised by my body fat results, but not so surprised by my weight. First of all, I don’t think I’m “fat” but I definitely am not very healthy as I have spent a good 7 years not thinking about the consequences of my actions including but not limited to: smoking, drugs, eating way past 8pm, excessive alcohol, not eating, over-eating, etc. Hell, when I was 16 I remember I told my mum I wanted to model for magazines, nothing special, just Wal-Mart and the like. She told me I was not only not cute enough, but too short and that just rocked my world. I spent about a year not really eating anything other than honey and the school lunch french fries (those were the favorite for everyone at my HS, they were dank)!

Anyway, here is day one’s results:

  • 133.8 lbs
  • 28.6% body fat

I definitely will be watching that body fat number go down as I’m not concerned so much with my weight. I am confident of a range of 125-140. I never seem to really go past 135 no matter what I do to myself lol!


All righty then….I’m a little….no I’m extremely ticked right now as I wrote a whole damn near page and somehow in the “publishing” phase I lost ALL my text.  And now I can’t edit or go back and it’s all gone.  Fuck.

MAN! Going to a live basketball game was awesome! I loved it! I didn’t know what to expect in terms of the stadium, the sounds, and I never had so much fun paying $7.00 for a beer! Well, actually my boyfriend bought the beer, but I had planned on getting raped.

I had no idea all the cool things that go on during a game that you don’t see on T.V. like what goes on during commercial breaks. There was a group of kids that came out and did some breakdancing, there was R.C. ad balloons with little air engines that were directed around the stadium during halftime, they had Chipotle dancers giving out burritos (I was hoping they’d chuck ’em haha) and even people from the crowd got to answer quiz questions and practice shots. I was a little daunted by walking up to our seats because of the sharp angle upwards. It seemed one wrong move or wind might blow you over to your death! There was intriguing sounds too….One in particular was from those plastic blow up sticks that people were smacking together. It echoed off the metal rooftop and sounded pretty neat.

Well, I’m hooked. The next time I get to go to another game I’m so down! Too bad they didn’t win, but they made a honourable comeback in the 4th period, close but no cigar.


On another note, I was really saddened to see this this morning:

Stephan Hawking Sings

Kind of…..well, sad people would pick on such an amazing guy. Whenever I see him I am enthralled how such a debilitated person has such amazing brain power. It’s funny how a person’s life evolves, no? Rather twisted in some cases such as this one, and makes me bow inside to the fruition of his achievements.


So today I’m going to my first live basketball game for none other than the nations capitols team, the Washington Wizards! I am most excited to see Arenas play, and see what smooth kicks he’s wearin too. I like his adidas!


Also, looking back at my “resolution” list, or rather “to do for 2007” list, I’m pleased to report to myself that things are coming along quite nicely. Staying on track.

Damn, duty calls. I’ll have to edit this later.

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